Don't Be Silly...

Soo....remember how "enlightened" I was last Sunday?? All refreshed and renewed and light and happy, etc, etc, etc... ???

Yeahhh, about that...........

It took all of 2 hours of being back in Austin, starting to attack that page-long to-do list that I had thought was SUCH a brilliant idea to put off, until I was gritting my teeth to the point that I had given myself a massive headache and had some nasty knots in my stomach.

Anxiety City, Population: Me!

It took me one hot shower and about half of the message that I missed two Sundays ago to realize something:

It was so incredibly silly of me to think that all it would take for me to find some peace that would last, is a weekend of relaxation. I still stand by everything I said last week – don't get me wrong – but it was just so silly to think that was some magic fix to all my anxiety!

I started reflecting on that fact and kind of kept it up all week – today in church that point finally hit home in its own way...

We had "Story Sunday" and watched videos of three stories of people in our church who have been truly living out their lives for Christ and we got to – albeit briefly and summarized – watch Him work in and through them.

I couldn't help but be reminded of my high school and early-college self who gained such a deep desire to change the world:

I wanted to become a photojournalist, I wanted to go into war-torn places like the Sudan, (that was the main goal, I would see where the world took me from there) and really be the one who showed the world what was going on in a way that would make people really care.

I miss that adventurer in myself sometimes, but what I really reflected on today was that in those years of my life I know for a fact that I didn't desire that profession and adventure in my life for all the right reasons. I mean, I had GREAT intentions. I wanted to be a catalyst – however big or small – in making the world a better place. But, because I know who I was in those years...I know I didn't want to go do God's work...I wanted to do my work! 

What really and truly, without a doubt, hit home for me today – the point that brings this whole rambley post together – is that we can NOT keep compartmentalizing our lives if we truly want Christ to be making a difference in and through us. 

And, I'm a PRO at compartmentalizing – I'm like one of those awesome little tupperware containers that you could pack like all three meals in at once! 

Hello, I work in an industry that can get very dirty if you let it. So, compartmentalizing is something that comes naturally for most of us, I think. Especially if you do have that desire to live in Christ, but you also have that crazy drive to accomplish your political goals – whatever those may be.

It's less than popular to bring your faith into politics right now – and that is a ridiculous understatement.

Therefore, it's going to be a challenge – but one I think I'm finally ready to take on. (Luckily I work with some pretty amazing, God-fearing guys!) Sitting here right now, I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is going to be something I struggle with...but, eventually He'll get it right... 

People who have known me for a while may find this post bizarre – or maybe you knew me better than I knew myself and realize (as I finally have) that I'm finally becoming the person I was always meant to be – slowly, but surely...

It takes some time to realize that only through Him can we find that peace that surpasses all understanding...and it was so silly of me to think otherwise.